"When an attractive woman walks on by and she has the power to raise desire in you it's almost like she's taking away something from you. I don’t know what exactly, maybe a little piece of your self-esteem or your pride or your confidence or your honor or your status. And in order to get it back it’s your task to get her to have sex with you.”
Nobody ever said that to me – and they didn’t have to. Because when we started to talk about sex and women as young men it seemed to be everywhere in between the lines: When you’re attracted to somebody they take away your power and to get your power back you have to conquer them. It seemed to be what everybody was thinking without thinking about it. I guess it also works the other way around (with women desiring men), but it seems men are especially prone to this way of thinking.
Well, it’s one way to live your life. But I’ve made a conscious decision right there and then to look at it differently, simply because I liked to feel desire and I wanted to be able to enjoy desire for itself.
So this is how I try to look at it: Your desire is the main event. Of course there’s nothing wrong with satisfying your desire but if you think you can only enjoy your desire if you also can satisfy it, you’re really missing out. I don’t want to satisfy my desire to make desire go away. It’s the difference between eating to make your hunger go away (because you think hunger is unpleasant) and savoring every bit of the experience (because secretly you enjoy eating because you also enjoy being hungry). Desire makes you feel alive, desire brings you in touch with yourself, and it also reminds you that we are always in some way incomplete. It’s the human condition. For me, desire is one on of the best ways to contemplate life and fully embrace being a human being. Letting go of power can be very empowering. It's a strange world.