Don't lie or your penis will grow

With this photo I hope to stimulate awareness concerning porn and lies. Instead of “frequently asked questions” here’s a compilation of frequently told lies for a change. They are all lies about porn (which seems a very good subject for that matter) and I took the liberty to add some of my thoughts about them. This is a work in progress. Let me know your “most favorite lies about porn” in the comments!

“I don’t watch porn”
This lie is often told by people who fear they will lose something if they are honest. And depending where you are with your life this fear can be justified. There are people who have lost their relationship, their family or their job because the wrong person found out they were watching porn (or because they were dumb enough to do it at work). Mostly the fear is over exaggerated, though.

“Everyone watches porn”
This lie is often told be by people who are ashamed of their own need for porn. They hope if they can make others (and themselves) believe that “everybody does it” it will seem normal and they wouldn’t have to be ashamed anymore. The problem with this lie is that all of a sudden you have to watch porn in order to appear normal. But I think there should be no peer pressure whatsoever. Not everybody has to like porn.

“The women in porn are drugged and forced to do it”
This lie is often told by people who want to uphold an image of women as asexual beings. They want you to believe that a woman would never (and even more important should never) do such a thing. The first part is clearly not true as there are hundreds of women who do porn which is why there is now a need for some external explanation like “she was not herself, she was possessed by evil spirits” or in this case: “She was not herself, she was drugged.”
Nevertheless there’s a grain of truth within this lie: Everybody has to pay their bills. Most women in porn do it (at least in part) for the money. But this is something we accept for a lot of jobs. I had to do a lot of work in my life just (or mostly) because I got paid for it.
In porn if you’re popular you can have an income like a lawyer but you don’t have to study for years to get there. So this is certainly a temptation.

“Porn promotes unhealthy body types”
Is this really a lie? I mean just look at some of the models with their oversized breast implants or the guys how seem to spend all their spare time at the gym. Do we really want such role models? Maybe not. But porn is not reality and we don’t need to take porn stars as role models. Here’s an interesting fact: Compared to other industries where looks matter (fashion models, television presenters) you can find a much bigger variety of body types in the adult industry.

“The porn industry is run by the mafia”
From what I’ve seen it’s mostly run by very ordinary (and sometimes boring) businesspeople. Some of them obsess about security and have their offices protected by a guard. They are afraid that a fanatic might turn up with a machine gun and create a blood bath.

“You always need something harder”
This is actually not a lie because the people who say it believe it and are therefore not strictly lying. But is it the truth? There might be some people who are always looking for something more extreme but they seem to be the exception and not the rule. Most porn watchers come back for more of the same.

“What you see in porn is how people really have sex.”
Now, that’s an obvious lie. Apart from pornstars I don’t know anyone who ever had a double anal.

“Every woman loves when the guy comes on her face.”
This lie is usually told by men who have never been with a real woman. Between consenting adults it should be allowed.

“Women in porn have real orgasms”
Usually it’s all pretended for the camera. Just like the actors in a Hollywood romance pretend to be in love with each other in front of the camera. It’s called acting.

“Women in porn never have real orgasms”
While most women in porn only pretend to love it, there are also a few who genuinely take pleasure in doing it. I had the chance to talk with two or three of them and I admired their courage to swim against the current.

“Men in porn always have real orgasms”
The truth is more like this: They have mostly real ejaculations (but you shouldn’t underestimate the amount of artificial sperm they use these days). There’s a small group of crazy people who question the assumption that ejaculation and orgasm is the same thing (I’m one of them). Consider this example: On a porn set there is a lot of pressure for male actors to have an ejaculation which might make it difficult for them to also have a real orgasm if – let me stress this again: if – by “real orgasm” you mean a “very intense sexual body sensation and mind-blowing erotic experience”. On the other hand you can certainly have very intense sexual body sensations and mind-blowing erotic experiences without ejaculation. Heck, like this you can even have multiple orgasms as a man! They are just harder to identify from the outside without using brain scanning imagery but it doesn’t make them any less real. And isn’t that what we already have accepted in the field of female orgasms? Talk about a dream come true.

“To watch porn is to disrespect woman”
This lie was very popular in the 90ies. I grew up on this lie. Since I was always for gender equality I also believed that in a society where there is no discrimination against women there would also be no porn. I changed my mind later because I think it doesn’t really ad up. When men in porn only “cum” on women’s faces to keep up a social order that discriminates against women then why is the “facial cumshot” also very popular in gay porn, where men come on men’s faces? And if men watch porn because they disrespect the porn star then why are they willing to stand in line for two hours just to get an autograph from this person? And why is porn only legally forbidden in societies with a very poor record on women’s rights?

“Porn reduces women to their sexual organs”
It’s true, porn does reduce people in some way to their sexual organs but it does this even more with the male actors. There are always a lot of angles where you can see the face or the whole body of the female porn star, while the only thing you can see of the male porn star is often his dick.
Female actors have usually a lot more fans than male actors (who knew, right?) and the industry’s standard is to pay the male actors only half of what the women get.

“Women want big dicks.”
Some do, some don’t. We know from the literature of psychotherapy that some women have fascinations for big dicks but the big dicks you see in porn are not there for the women’s sake. They are there because oddly a lot of men obsess about big dicks. Studies about which words people enter in search engines when browsing for online porn revealed how surprisingly often men search for “big dicks”. Why this is a turn-on for heterosexual males is not fully understood. Women on the other hand are sometimes even repulsed by “huge cocks.”

“Men confuse porn and reality”
There are men who know the difference and there are men who don’t know it. It’s certainly obvious how porn could give someone very wrong expectations about how to interact with the opposite sex. Porn and reality are very, very different. But maybe the problem isn’t that men don’t know this. From what I’ve seen most of them know it only too well. Maybe that’s why they watch porn in the first place.

“Porn prevents people from being intimate with a real person”
I’m not sure about this one but it might very well be the other way around. Of course you can say “people shouldn’t watch porn, they should learn how to be intimate with a real person”, but maybe it’s a little bit like taking away a child’s teddy bear because you think the child should learn how to relate to a real person. It’s not how it works.

Let’s finish this list of lies with a truth that’s a secret that shouldn’t be a secret: Don’t be fooled by guys who try (and succeed) to come across tough. Being horny makes you very vulnerable. You want to get close to someone but the risk of getting rejected is always there. This will not only break your heart, it will also hurt your self-esteem and people might laugh at you. Maybe you will lose your face and then it will become even more difficult to get close to someone. This could set your whole life on a downward spiral! Help! Maybe you’re much better off if you don’t try at all.
And then you see a guy in a porno who fucks the first chick from behind until he comes and he shoots his load all over the face of the second chick. They both seem to love it and beg for more. This is so far out of the question you have to wonder how it’s even possible. In contrast the woman you’re attracted to doesn’t even let you hold her hand! (Of course I don’t use the word “you” because I’m talking about you, the reader. I use it as an impersonal personal pronoun if you can say something like this in English.)
If people want to understand why porn is such a big fascination for so many men you always have to keep this in mind. “Mister big dick and his hot chicks” is only one side of the coin. The other side is lots of horniness, lots of shame, lots of fear of rejection, and lots of vulnerability.

Thanks to Danika (model) to pose for this shot!
www.FairTradeNudes.com