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Submitted on
May 28, 2012
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(Contains: sexual themes)


A few years ago an old friend from the University invited me for pizza at his place. When I showed him my book with my photographs he went: wow, did you have sex with all these women?
No, I said. Then he opened the book and took a look at the first picture. He went: wow, did you have sex with her? No, I said, I did not have sex with any of these women.
He turned the page and when he saw the next photo he went again: and her? Did you have sex with her? Read it from my lips, I said, I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH ANY OF THESE WOMEN.
I believe I don't need to tell you what he said when he turned the page and saw the next picture. And he went like this throughout the whole book until he reached the end. I don't know what was going on in his brain but it seemed to have nothing to do with what I was saying. He didn't care how many times I told him. It was like he was in his own fantasy. To tell you the truth it has not been the first time somebody asked me questions like these. And of course I don't even know what's going on in the heads of those who don't ask any questions. So let me reassure to the whole world: I don't have sex with the models. I WORK with them. I mean, hello. It's like asking the doctor if he has sex with all of his patients. Of course he doesn't. As for me I didn't even have sex for 10 years.
According to some statistics most people have sex twice a week. This results in around hundred times every year and a 1000 times every decade. With this being said how is it even possible for someone not to have sex for 10 years? How can someone miss out on a thousand chances?
In my case the answer is quite simple. 15 years ago I was deeply, madly and truly in love with someone who wasn't sure if she felt the same way about me. She was a decent woman and that's why she couldn't have sex with me just like that because she didn't want to give me "false expectations". The story went like this for five years and after that I did one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I threw her out of my life. I finished the relationship that all my friends called "dysfunctional". Finally I was free again. I was ready for a fresh start. I was open to fall in love with someone new.
And that's exactly what I did. Another five years went by and all of a sudden there I was in the very same position as before. I was deeply, madly and truly in love with someone who wasn't it sure if she felt the same way about me. Of course I was dying to have sex with this woman all these years but she couldn't have sex with me because, you guessed it, she didn't want to give me "false expectations". And that's that.
You might ask yourself why I didn't have sex with someone who really wanted me. Was there no one? In those 10 years there actually were two women in love with me but I simply couldn't bring myself to have sex with one of them. You want to know why? Because I didn't want to give anyone "false expectations", too.
Yes, there are other options, but I'm not the guy who has one night stands, I don't have affairs anymore and I don't use the service of prostitutes. And I'm not into animals or children either.
What are we going to take away from this? Maybe this: If you suffer from an exaggerated righteousness it is difficult to have sex at all – let alone twice a week. And that's how I managed not to get laid in 10 years.
Chapter three
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:iconforevergent:
Funny, that's the way I feel too.

How old are you right now?
Reply
:iconvitali-iakovlev:
Vitali-Iakovlev Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Gosh, there is something wrong with society. You nailed the problem vary accurately: exaggerated righteousness. People think they are sooo good, so righteous, almost saint. But is that so? So many lives were ruined because of this false idea of righteousness. People hurt themselves and their loved ones. So many tragedies happened because of this delusional righteousness. Break ups, divorces, suicides. And it is sick, don’t you think? To cause so much pain and consider yourself right. Why does all this madness happen? Because of social conditioning. Somehow sex is considered dirty. And avoiding sex, refusing sex is viewed as an act of righteousness. On the conscious level we understand clearly, there shouldn’t be anything wrong or dirty about sex. Yet why do we act like it is a sinful act?

Sex is beautiful. Sex must be viewed as an instrument of giving and receiving physical and emotional pleasure. Sex must strengthen the feeling of love between people, not ruin it. Sex must be viewed as a form of art. You can make you partner so much happier with good sex. You may refuse having sex and ruin your relationship in the long run. Or you may choose to learn the art of sex together with your partner, strengthen your love and be so much happier together.

Think about it. So much drama happens because people misunderstand such beautiful act as sex.  

This is a very close topic to me, because I myself suffer from this social conditioning, this feeling of righteousness. I thought that I am a good person, because I refused to have sex. And now I understand that it is a total bullshit. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. And your gallery is awesome!

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:iconjamesblanton:
JamesBlanton Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think you missed the point he was trying to make.
Reply
:iconvitali-iakovlev:
Vitali-Iakovlev Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Maybe I did. What's your interpretation?
Reply
:iconxxlatent-nightmarexx:
XxLatent-NightmarexX Dec 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
From someone so young maybe this doesn't mean much, but so far, in my life I've been fortunate, the one person I finally gave myself to, I'm still with. I'm not pregnant and we're not married. We haven't cheated. We've made it a year and a half despite the age difference.
From my experience, the time when you do find them, is the time when you absolutely least expect it.
Though I find it good to know there are more than just a few men out there like yourself. Women who are truly good are hard to come by now sadly, and those who are, tend to be very guarded.
Wonderful work by the way.
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:iconmetadepth:
Yeah! Right...
Reply
:iconbiginred:
Biginred Oct 22, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Very interesting. You have a really strong sense of ethics in personal relationships. Another thing to consider is that sexual frustration (for lack of a better word) does enhance creativity through sublimation - and that shows in your work.

Personally I went for about a year and a few months without sex after a bad breakup. I became so desperate for human contact that it began to interfere deeply with my ability to be productive and happy in life. I ended up in a "friends with benefits" situation with someone who had a similar situation. We helped each other and it was wonderful. We never discussed the word love.
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:iconchyvaelry:
chyvaelry Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No intimate adult relations since July 2001.

Sadly, not because I'm righteous, but because I managed to contract HPV from the Last Woman and I refuse to spread it any further.

I like your reason better!

Thanks for sharing.
Reply
:iconjiancarlos:
jiancarlos Sep 14, 2013  Professional General Artist
15 years and days, weeks, and month keep passing. Maybe my soulmate died long ago
Reply
:iconfeebonacci:
feebonacci Aug 25, 2013   Photographer
again .. same thin here . 5 years for me, and well I am Alive !

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