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Submitted on
April 24, 2013
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A photographer like me who portrays beautiful women is sometimes accused of damaging people. Why? Because we raise the bar for everybody to an unhealthy level. We give wrong expectations of how you or a partner worthy of you are supposed to look. We use all the tricks to make the people in the pictures always look perfect and beautiful – how can a normal person keep up with this?

Well, from my point of view the answer is simple, maybe too simple for you: you don't have to keep up with this. In a funny way I face the same problem as you, but from the other side: how can I keep up with you? You have not only your looks, you have your own unique way. You have your personality, your style. You have your way of walking and talking. You can make a real connection with somebody. You can touch them. You can make them feel your caress. You can make their heart pound.

How can I as a photographer keep up with this? I only have a stupid picture, how can I make someone's heart pound? Because I have this limitation I have to use all the so-called "tricks": I take a model who is considered to be beautiful and put her in a beautiful location to make her even more beautiful. Then I set up the lights very carefully to make her even more beautiful. Out of thousands of photographs we pick the most beautiful in the end and then I use Photoshop to make that photo even more beautiful.

I don't do this to tell you: "if you want somebody to fall in love with you, you have to look like this". It won't work. I'm saying: "if somebody falls in love with you they will see you like this". I'm not a photojournalist documenting reality. I'm trying to be an artist doing impressionistic photography. We are documenting a different reality here, a certain state of mind, if you will. With my pictures I want to seduce people to see other people with other eyes. I want to seduce you to look at someone and simply say: "oh my God."

At the risk of sounding like some cheap would-be Guru on television, I'm giving a piece of advice: If you're trying to outcompete others in being more beautiful (or getting a partner who is), your life will be a race without a finish line. There is always someone who is more beautiful.  In the end you will be exhausted and frustrated and maybe as lonely as ever. I want you to forget about worrying how you can make somebody fall in love with you. I simply want for you to fall in love. And I want you to think about it not as a weakness but as your biggest strength. Love is not about being in control it is about losing control. If you're not afraid to do that this will be your superpower even in times of rejection and heartbreak. But I'm not saying it's easy.

If you're still wondering how to make somebody fall in love with you I can only tell you that I don't have the answer. Maybe you were made to think being beautiful will do the trick but I don't think so. Maybe people don't love you because they think you are beautiful, maybe they think you are beautiful because they love you.

What are your thoughts and experiences?
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:iconbeauty4beast:
I was ' beautiful' when I was young and I made lots of money from it. It did not bring love, in fact, it 
was a bit of a curse. Men hated that I did not fancy them and women competed. Now I am old, and ugly,
life with other people has got lots easier.

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:iconmishai:
Mishai Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you writed it absolutly amaizing and touchy, great work:) for me...look is good but people are loved for personality...ok people can be atracted to you by money or fame ..true that but when they leaving its because they simply dont wanna be with you anymore....look may affect it but lets admit people leaving each other mostly because just got enought of something of partners personality....which with time turned into "big problem".....so looks? exuses:)
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:iconjeanclaire:
jeanclaire Jan 9, 2014   General Artist
i love how you depict what you set out to portray!! its exactly how i feel about my craft too :D Xx
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:iconlilfixit:
lilfixit Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I see no need to be more attractive than other women. The whole point of attraction in my opinion is that guys want to have sex with you. At my age, a girl has to be pretty ugly for a guy to not want to have sex with her. I think girls freak out about this too much. It's pretty unlikely that you'll come across a guy that doesn't want to have sex with you. Relationships take a lot more work than just sex though, and that's why attraction isn't the only important thing. Looks might get you more offers, but they don't guarantee a good relationship. A company is more likely to hire a student with a 3.5 GPA than a 2.0 GPA if all other credentials are the same, but they're more likely to fire someone with a 3.5 GPA who makes a lot of mistakes than a person with a 2.0 GPA that excels at their job. If I was a guy, I would much rather continue to have sex and build a relationship with someone who enjoys it and is less attractive than a girl who has the perfect body type but isn't happy with herself.

Some people are physically ugly, yeah. That doesn't mean they can't get into relationships. That doesn't mean they don't deserve relationships. That doesn't mean they did something wrong to become ugly. It just means they're ugly. There's probably someone out there that's still willing to have a relationship with them.

I would rather cure cancer than get laid. I would rather be the ugliest woman on earth and cure cancer than be the most attractive woman and get laid as often as I wanted to.

I just think this debate (media's portrayal of beauty vs. self worth, or whatever the debate actually is about) is ridiculous. Just be healthy and happy.

The women in your photos are very beautiful. It's great. They're beautiful. That's awesome. It has no effect on my life. I am no more or less likely to get laid due to you posting these photos.
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:iconhautamato:
Hautamato Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Agree.
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:iconlat3menda32:
What is Perfection? Is it not Imperfection?
Your photographs are refreshing... keep up the good work.
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:iconpixel--chick:
Pixel--Chick Dec 21, 2013  Student Digital Artist
This argument would hold weight if you once showed an image of a woman that wasn't "perfection" and still made it seductive. That would be brave
Reply
:iconfriendlytoucan:
FriendlyToucan Dec 20, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
You wrote: "I'm saying: "If somebody falls in love with you [then] they will see you like this."  Well, I'm single, and I don't expect my own mates to look like this but, if I do fall in love with one, then I do see her like this...I see only the good, best, feminine, lovable parts of her.  Like any man, I love seeing super beautiful women out in the world but, still, I know that their outward beauty doesn't make them perfect - they could have a heck of a lot of flaws inside or be quite undesirable in several ways.

Your images are amazing and you are extremely skilled at capturing the feminine essence.  You tap-in perfectly to what the Western commercialized world considers "beautiful."  You wrote: "I want to seduce you to look at someone and simply say: "oh, my God."  At this you succeed completely.  I gasp with excitement when I see some of your images - they just stop me in my tracks.  But, and I think you'd admit this, your models are rendered to make them so exciting, so gorgeous, so flawlessly perfect that they become, in your art, girls of fantasy - truly, not real.  You wrote it yourself - they're PhotoShopped to be without imperfection.  Don't get me wrong, I love what you've done and I've favorited tons of your works.  But, as a 47-year-old male, when I see these girls, I see them as fantasies.  

Nevertheless, you are shaping what will be thought of as physically beautiful in culture and that could be making a lot of us a bit uncomfortable when we don't meet that standard of physical beauty.  I'm no Richard Gere - I know this - I just try to be the best I can be and that's still what we'd all be well-advised to do.  But, no, we don't, as you wrote, "have to keep up with this."  I do think an amazingly beautiful, sexy woman will get more male attention and have a better chance of making a man to notice her and want her - this is undeniable - but the key is that wanting her isn't the same as loving her.  The downside of fantastic beauty (for both genders but more so for women) is that it can make the opposite sex fall for the beautiful one for no other reason than the beauty - the beauty is so distracting that possessing it becomes the sole goal.  Then the beautiful woman isn't loved for anything else but her beauty and, if she looses the beauty, she looses the lover, too, because the love wasn't pure, it was only physical.  So the wildly beautiful (both male and female) have to be extra careful and make extra sure that those who profess to love them love them truly, love them as the individual souls they are.   Only then, only if the love is true, will the love last.  
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:iconthebluegecko:
Thebluegecko Dec 15, 2013
Any woman here saying looks doesnt matter is just  full of it.

Women want good looking men as much as men want good looking women- the problem is some of these sweethearts look like that tranny in all the john waters movies- instead of havibg reasonable expectations, they think they can change biology or shame society into dating them.

Which is kind of hypocritical- they want good looking people, but shame others for being shallow.....



the fact is some people are ugly, some people will never meet anyone, some people are unwanted and unloved and thats life.



For the record all the bullshit about personalities mattering is ridiculous- you cant get an erection if you arent sexually attracted to someone, and and most ugly people have bitter ugly personalities anyway.
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:iconepiqsh:
Epiqsh Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
i agree with you :D
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